2018 | Nelumbo Consultancy

How To Be Yourself Around Others | Part 2

In a previous article, I discussed how social anxiety can be alleviated simply by being yourself and talking about subjects that interest you. Today, I’ll explore this idea further, helping you to create a roadmap of self development and enabling you to truly be yourself in social situations.

If you continuously find yourself saying things you don’t really mean in social situations, if you feel that you’re ‘acting’ instead of ‘being’, you may well find that your social anxiety stems from a lack of self.

“There is no better investment than taking the time to get to know yourself.”

While for some, “being yourself” is a straightforward task, for many others it is a monumental undertaking. In my consultancy work I have found that the vast majority of clients who are struggling with social anxiety are also experiencing a lack of any concept of self. Your upbringing can have a major part to play in this. If parents fail to demonstrate a consistent level of love and trust, their children are left striving for their acceptance. These children learn quickly that being ‘good’ or ‘clever’ is more important than whatever innate qualities make them unique. Their sense of self is overshadowed by fitting into another’s version of what is desirable.

So how do you combat this as an adult? Follow these steps:

1. Learn who you are.
In order to be yourself, you must first understand who you are. This requires introspection, perhaps aided by mindfulness exercises and journal keeping. Jot down your likes and dislikes as they come up. Give yourself an opportunity to learn what makes you, you. There is no better investment than taking the time to get to know yourself. When you have a deeper understanding of yourself, you’ll no longer find yourself talking nonsense or agreeing with people purely for lack of something to say.

2. Keep the right company.
In order to be yourself and overcome your anxieties, it’s vital to be surrounded by accepting, encouraging people. This can be a self-fulfilling scenario, as the more you are your real self, the more that the right people are naturally attracted to your company.
Toxic people meanwhile; those who are critical of you and make you feel insecure about your worth, need to be avoided for your own wellbeing. Allow people a chance to get accustomed to the new, real you, but if they can’t get on board with you no longer being an ever- pleasing, malleable version of yourself, cut ties.

3. Value yourself.
Finally, value your worth as an individual. There is nothing more important for your soul than knowing who you are, unapologetically. The confidence you will feel will grow exponentially as you realise that you don’t have to be anything other than who you are. The right people will be drawn to you and you’ll no longer find yourself acting in order to keep the wrong people interested in your company. But ultimately, you’ll know that your worth isn’t measured by what others think of you.

If you want to speed up this process, or have the guided support of a professional consultant, why not call us at Nelumbo Consultancy to find out how we can help. Our counsellors can help you to underpin the reason that you struggle to be yourself around others, and guide you through the process of self-discovery.

Finding Confidence in Social Situations: It’s Childsplay | Part 1

Do social interactions really need to be as difficult as some people think? For a growing proportion of our society, a lack of confidence in social situations is an everyday reality. Periods of low self confidence are experienced by most people at some point in their lives, and one manifestation of this is social anxiety.

The emotional turmoil of finding yourself stuck in an environment with people you don’t know, not knowing what to say without embarrassing yourself, but increasingly conscious of the awkward silence – it’s the stuff that nightmares are made of! Overcoming that first hurdle and having the confidence to put yourself out there, to start up a conversation, can be a daunting concept. But take a moment to learn from this young man, who through sharing his passion, opened up a new world.

“Putting yourself out there takes courage, but believing you have something worthwhile to say makes it so much easier.”

Nine year old Alex* receives regular tutoring for his English and Maths. Alex is mildly autistic which, in his case, makes it difficult to focus on topics which don’t interest him. He’s fallen behind his classmates in these two core subjects, and his confidence has plummeted with his test scores. Alex also struggles to form friendships as he is uncomfortable in social situations.

Alex may lack knowledge in English and Mathematics, but he knows more about planes than anyone you’re likely to meet. He can identify a low flying plane and give you its model and country of manufacture without missing a beat. Planes are Alex’s passion. Do you remember having that passion as a child? Whether it was dinosaurs, a football team, a now-embarrassing glam-rock band, we all had something that we knew about inside-out and enjoyed sharing with others. Take a moment to mentally pinpoint one of your passsions, past or current – we’ll come back to it.

So, very quickly after meeting Alex we learned about his adoration for all things aeronautical. By harnessing this passion, we were able to work with Alex in a way that he could truly enjoy (you wouldn’t believe what a difference it made just changing ‘oranges’ to ‘passengers’ in a math equation). Not only is Alex’s math and english improving now that it is being taught in collaboration with a subject he is interested in, but his confidence is improving too.

Last week Alex made his first real connection to another child since the school year began. Seeing a child in his class reading a transport book, he had the courage to share his knowledge on planes, engaging the other child in conversation. They already have a playdate lined up for the weekend.

But you see, while social interactions can be genuinely scary for us as adults, there’s no reason we can’t take a page from Alex’s book and turn communicating with each other into childsplay. You may feel as if you’ve lost the passion you once had as a child, but I guarantee you that it’s still there. Whether it’s a book, TV series, or something you’ve been reading about in the news, find something you feel you can speak about with confidence and then look for an opportunity this week to discuss it with someone outside of your comfort zone. Ask that woman ahead of you in the queue at the cafe whether her book is any good. Remark on how terrible that radio news bulletin was to the other person in the waiting room. What is the worst that can happen?

Putting yourself out there takes courage, but believing you have something worthwhile to say makes it so much easier. Yes, perhaps you’ll be met with a blank stare, other people are awkward too. But maybe that moment of bravery will result in a stimulating conversation, a moment shared between strangers; or who knows, maybe you’ll even be arranging a playdate of your own.

If you think you’d benefit from professional support in tackling your social anxiety, call Nelumbo Consultancy today to speak to one of our team.

*not his real name

Let’s Meet Again With Yourself

When you meet life half way only and consider it a difficult task to be able to experience it fully, you also fail at meeting with your own self completely. But what does it even mean to be living an incomplete life? What does meeting yourself mean, is that an actual thing or just an expression? Aren’t you just you, who is always with yourself, then how can one constantly be with oneself and not be able to meet? Well as logically confusing this may sound, it actually makes philosophically logical sense if you look into it, so let’s talk about it today, let us talk about life, about unfulfilled dreams and explore the depths of our inner horizons to see if losing self is even a possibility at all.


Ever since I was a kid, I have wondered how others see me from the outside. I have wondered what it would be like to be perfect and achieve complete contentment. Because superman was my hero I always saw him as a figure who just does not make mistakes and he’s happy because he’s perfect and powerful. It’s interesting how these childhood inspirations make us want to live up to the image, thus the desire of wanting perfection and contentment. That’s where I began, I used to go around asking friends, family even my teachers questions about me. I would ask them how do they see me, my habits, behavior, their likes and dislikes about me, so I can then compare it with the characteristics list I had with me on Superman. How did that help me? Well, of course, I didn’t learn to fly or become more powerful than a locomotive (all in good time I hope) but what did become was self-aware, self-effacing and learned how to consciously live with my choices actions and even thoughts. I was able to make mistakes but still be aware to accept it so I could fix it, at a very young age I learned how accepting reality helps you in fixing problems. You can’t possibly fix something you do not accept as a problem.

Knowing Others

This attitude not only made me aware of my faults as well as my uniqueness but also helped me see other people for who they are. I learned, living in this self-awareness was self-discovery, a journey that is never ending as you are always more than you think of you. As Lao Tzu says, “one who knows others is wise but the one who knows himself is enlightened.”

Enlightenment does not just sprout from theory, reading, learning and talking about yourself but you have to do the work, you need to put in the effort to bring out the best version of you that is what being enlightened means. This is how I met me, by trying to find me, make and remake me. I understood that most of us are living in no form of self-awareness. Most do not want to put in the effort on the inner-selves because that internal work seems unreachable and nobody teaches us how to do it, how to achieve it or why is it necessary? For the same reason, it seems more cognitively recognizable to people to pursue the unrealistic standards of perfection by working on the materialistic aspect of our lives, how to earn more, how to have more, how to look more good-looking, more educated more of everything outside. Then how can you expect to meet yourself if you don’t know yourself and don’t know that you need you, before anyone else?

Social Conditioning and Breaking Through

Media and society have always been setting a perfect outside world goal for people because it brings them business by challenging and feeding on people’s weaknesses, so why would they be interested in making one strong and help them walk the road of self-enlightenment? But now that you know this, can you go back from it? Ones your eyes are open you cannot un-see or unlearn what you have learned so why don’t you start today by making yourself your priority. Treat yourself, love yourself, take care of yourself and most of all monitor yourself. All those dreams you once had which now seem like a far-fetched idea why don’t you start with digging them up again and work on finding the best route to your true self. When you go where your heart takes you, is exactly what you find as your soul’s true calling, for the soul’s purpose is hidden in your dreams and the desire to follow it is spoken through your heart.

Break through the social conditioning and the self-limiting belief that you cannot live the life you once dreamt off. Come, connect with one of our  psychologist or counsellor today to help you in your journey to meet with yourself and find yourself to never lose again.

Key of Health And Happy Relationship

Happiness in every relationship is felt differently. For some people, happiness in their relationship comes from a conflict-free life. For others, it might mean lots of laughter or great intimacy with each other. Whatever your definition of a happy relationship is, it directly links to your wants, needs, expectations, and desires, which change over time. What remains constant are some specific attributes and behaviors we have mentioned down below.

If you put in the effort and work towards incorporating these tips into your everyday life, the likelihood of your long-term happiness and success in your relationship will be undeniable.

1.    Respect For Each Other

Respect is one thing that needs to be present for any kind of relationship to work. If there are no boundaries of respect between each other, it’s going to become quite tough to continue your relationship. Giving respect to each other does not necessarily mean you agree to all that your partner says. If your partner is giving you their opinion or advice on how a certain thing can be done, you can show your respect by acknowledging and complementing their views and thoughts, even if you don’t agree with your partner’s advice.

In order for the relationship to be happy and healthy, the respect should be mutual. It needs to be a two-way street. You can’t expect one partner to show respect if you don’t return it.

2.    Keeping Your Independence

If you want your relationship to be a happy and healthy one, first, it’s important for you to be happy. The essence of a successful relationship stems from you taking some time out for yourself. Even though you and your partner are in a relationship, doesn’t mean your independence is seized. You and your partner might not share the same interests and hobbies. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy or take part in your activities anymore. Don’t restrict or force your partner to join you in your hobbies. You do your thing and let your partner do theirs. If anything, you both might find yourselves to be naturally drawn to each other’s hobbies.

3.    Argue, But Not Fight

There can be no such relationship where partners do not argue. Sometimes arguing with each other can be healthy for your relationship. There is a huge difference between arguing and fighting.

Sometimes a partner will argue just for the sake of disagreeing and loving it when the other gives way. Its always healthy to have both partners compromise at some stage and at some level, or agree to disagree. They may argue about their choice of a best sports team, or choice of restaurant, on some item of decoration in the house, or where to travel on their vacation. So as long as they can look back and relive those moments and laugh about it, it’s a healthy argument and a happy relationship.

4.    Mutual Parenting

As much as every couple desires a child and has plans and ambitions for their offspring, the raising of the child can, unfortunately, be a sore conflict between the partners. This kind of conflict can only be detrimental not only to the relationship of the partners but also to the child. There are many books written by experts which partners can read together and decide on their parenting style.

5.    Equality with Finances

Money finances should not be an issue for partners to spoil their happy and healthy relationship. Finances are very important issues partners should discuss to ensure their healthy relationship. A constant need for money and a wasteful or easy-sending partner can spoil many loving relationships.

A reminder of a bill payment on the refrigerator door is an unspoken reminder of both partner’s responsibility. This will prevent one partner nagging the other about THEIR responsibilities. Long term planning for a new house or a much needed cruise or vacation makes both partners share a common goal and both of them strive for the achievement of that goal that they can enjoy together. Each will have a feeling that they are sacrificing for each other, and this helps to enhance the bond between the two.

6.    Common Values and Goals

Sometimes partners may belong to the same religion and share the same culture. They have many common interests and festivities. On the other hand, some partners belong to different cultures or even different religions. This will not be a hindrance to their relationship if they respect and accept that each other’s religion and culture is important. There should be more adventures as they get to learn more and more about each other’s culture and festivities, and enjoy both sects of families.

If you try to incorporate these tips and guidelines in your daily life, you will notice a huge difference in the long-term happiness and success of your relationship. Motivation and will towards incorporating such tips to improve your relationship helps you attain a good feeling about yourself and portrays commitment towards your partner.

If you wish to learn more on dating and healthy relationships, feel free to visit our website or contact our qualified representatives to learn how we can be of service to you.

How to Overcome Shame and Build Self Confidence

One of the utmost debilitating and damaging emotions a human can feel is shame. Normally, this feeling occurs when people compare their standards to others in the society and end up feeling inferior and bad about themselves. There are moments where feelings of shame lead to people engaging in risky and self-destructive behaviors such as drug and alcohol abuse, long-term emotional and physical problems comprising anxiety, low self-esteem,  bodily pain, and depression.

The good news is, you can entirely avoid going down this path. Make a vow to yourself that you will value yourself and every one of your contributions and achievements. You need to make yourself understand that your one bad action will not define who you are.

Why Do We Feel Shame?

The feeling of shame rises when you think you’re not good enough or that something is wrong with you. Shame has nothing to do with you having done a wrong deed. That’s when you feel guilty. No, feelings of shame arise from the belief of you simply not being good enough. Unfortunately, this core belief and mentality is found to be quite prevailing in today’s society where everyone compares themselves to one another. It has become quite common to find those people who find themselves to be mediocre and at a lower standard than others of their same age, struggle with addiction and other issues.

A cumulation of feelings, thoughts, and behaviors is how our lives are evolved. With the experiences we face in our lives, we are stereotyped, labeled, and stigmatized. We end up becoming something other than who we truly are.

In this world we live in today, you must have been told by someone that you’re different or strange. It can be your own friends, family, or someone you admire and look up to. If the person who said this is someone whose opinions and thoughts really matter to you, there’s a good enough chance the second you’re told there’s something wrong with you, you’re going to feel shame.

In today’s society where bullying and being made fun of is quite common, you might find someone making fun of your weight, or your face covered with acne marks. In such cases, usually, it is the person who has a model-like figure or a person with flawless skin.  Your parents might tell you over and over that your poor grades are because you’re not as smart enough as your brother. Your teacher might make fun of your grades in front of the whole class.

When you hear such comments made by these people, you instantly feel shame. This feeling of shame might stay with you for a long time to come. These feelings can scare you for life. They can have a huge and drastic impact on your self-confidence.  And when your self-confidence and self-esteem is low, you cannot succeed in anything you do. Be it your studies, career, or anything you do in life.

Overcome Your Shame and Build Your Self Confidence Back

Well then, it’s now high time you let go of your feelings of shame, and build your self-confidence back in yourself. It is difficult to live a full and happy life where our self-esteem is low. Our lives are a gift to us and we need to make the best of it by living each day to its fullest. Good self-esteem is what aids us to tide through all the challenges we face in our life. Our confidence and self-esteem turn every day of our life, a good day.

Here are some ways for you to help boost your self-confidence and self-esteem.

1. List Down All Your Strengths:

Your strengths can include talent, experiences, skills, or anything that helps you to feel confident about yourself. It can be something as simple as compliments given to you by others. When you list down your qualities, you are reminding yourself of all your strengths. This will help you to acknowledge your positive points and thus, increase your self-confidence.

2. Accept Your Flaws

We are all humans. We can make mistakes. That doesn’t mean you let your one flaw stop you from acknowledging your positive strengths and qualities. We all have some flaws and plain-looking features in ourselves. That does not mean we let it cloud over our positive points. Whenever you feel shame or low, remind yourself of your good qualities.

3. Make It A Practice To Look At Yourself In A Mirror And Say Five Positive Things About Yourself Out Loud

Whenever you feel shame, you need to take a good look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud, five of your positive qualities that will help you bring back your self-confidence. It can be your physical attributes, such as your smile, eyes, or hair. It could also be your internal attributes, such as your energy and compassion. Turn this into a regular practice and in no time, you will gain back your self-confidence.

If you wish to learn more on how to overcome feelings of shame and build self-confidence in yourself, feel free to visit our website or contact our qualified representatives to learn how we can be of service to you.

What is Emotional Climate and How to Improve it?

How many times have you noticed that you are at home, in a classroom or at work when somebody walks in with a bad mood and a few minutes later, everyone starts to be upset as well? This sudden change is caused by emotions, and they are highly contagious. The emotional climate is a concept that measures the climate of a particular community. The community can be anything from a small organization, a classroom, an entire region, or a city. When we talk about the emotional climate, it is something that affects our emotional relationships as they are interwoven among the members of a community. In this article, we will suggest some tips on improving your emotional climate. Read on to find out more about emotional climate and see some useful suggestion for improving it.

How to Enrich your Emotional Climate?

To have a better day at work or anywhere else it’s essential for you to take care of your personal emotions because they can have an effect on other people. The reason for being in a bad mood is plenty, maybe you woke up feeling grumpy and tired, or while driving you came across an obnoxious driver. Whatever the reason for your bad mood, try not to bring it with you to the place you are visiting. To have a better emotional climate, try to change your mood by spending more time in the parking lot, try to distract yourself so you won’t need to go somewhere with a bitter mood.

Work out Your Problems for a Positive Emotional Climate

When you are in a relationship, it becomes essential to work on getting rid of emotional issues as soon as possible before they escalate into huge arguments. Start by changing the emotional climate in the relationship. Both partners need to make an effort to resolve your mutual problems as soon as possible. The best approach is to put your relationship on the front instead of dragging it along than the back burner. Try to be kind, considerate, courteous, and sensitive to one another.

Have Control on Your Anger

One of the toughest thing for anyone is to control their anger at the other person. As hard as it sounds, controlling your anger and discussing the reason later will help you resolve the problem that led to the angry reaction. You can be angry with anyone for different reasons; it could be your boss, fellow co-worker, a friend, and even your partner. The best approach to maintaining a healthy emotional climate is to avoid overreacting to rage. Try to stay as calm as possible and speak to the person about your feeling. Communication is key to having a positive emotional climate. Focus on your anger and irritability, take a deep breath, and look for ways to distract yourself from the negative emotion of anger. Try your best to regulate your rage rather than spraying it around on others especially when they are not responsible for the anger.

Communication is the Best Solution

To control the emotional ups and downs in any relationship it’s necessary to have a positive emotional climate. To regulate the emotional roller coaster ride in any relationship it is necessary to have open communication about various issues that the two of you are facing. Sit together after dinner but instead of wandering off to your social media accounts or scrolling through television channels, talk to each other!

Share the events of the day with each other and then try to talk about the negatives that usually leads to arguments. Having an open discussion about your future will help you understand each other. Listen to each other’s grievances and try to resolve as many problems as possible. To have a healthy relationship try to talk to each other as much as possible. Sharing your opinions, views, and ideas about the future will go a long way in establishing a trusting mutual relationship.

Break Out of Your Routine

Following the same routine, every day of your life is boring and it might be one reason for a negative emotional climate. Try to break the routine by going on a holiday. If you are a couple a getaway can do wonders for both of you. Travelling and vacations bring about a positive change in any relationship because you get a chance to break the routine and try something new. Vacations are a great way to make some memories that you can cherish your entire life.

We have given you different suggestions for improving your emotional climate and have healthier and happier relationships. Remember that your emotions affect everyone around you at home, at work or in any other place where your friends and family are present. Your heartening emotions can have a positive emotional climate.

For more information on emotional climate and its effect on relationships, visit our website or contact our representatives to learn about developing a relationship based on fondness and respect for each other. 

A Brief Dating Guide To Help You Find The Right Partner

Are you looking for love, but it’s hard for you to find the right person to settle down with? When you or your close friend is undergoing a similar situation then it’s all too easy to get discouraged and give up on dating. After bad breakups and heartbreaks, you start to believe in the many destructive myths about relationships and dating. We are giving you a short guide to dating that will debunk most of your dating myths and fears.

Avoid Making Decisions Out of Fear

In some relationships, one partner chooses to stay in a toxic relationship out of fear. Sometimes such a fear is associated with abandonment issues, financial instability, or they might not want to be single at that particular time in life. Reasons for staying in an unhealthy relationship vary from person to person. At this point, you have to realize that instead of staying in an unhappy relationship you should muster up the courage needed to end such a relationship. This will the best decision for both partners and it will be a good time to move and find the right partners.

Prospects About Finding Love and Dating

The main purpose of dating is to find the right partner and enter into a romantic relationship for a long-term commitment. We all have a tendency to develop unrealistic expectations such as how the person we intend to date must look, they should behave in a certain way, and if the relationship should progress from dating which role must each partner fulfill. The reasons behind such expectations could be your own family history, peer group influence or your personal past experiences. It’s important for a good relationship when the two partners do not have unrealistic expectations from each other.

Don’t think that Disagreements are Unhealthy

Most people avoid conflicts when they are dating and a popular myth about dating is that conflicts and disagreements are bad for a relationship. Conflict and arguments can create a space between you and your partner but take the conflict as an opportunity for growth in a relationship. Talk to each other or seek professional counseling but try to figure out your differences. Conflict does not have to the reason for a breakup unless the issue is too grave to be resolved.

Handle Rejection Graciously

There comes a point in every couple’s life when the dating isn’t as fun as you expected it to be. There could be many reasons at play but eventually, you will need to accept rejection. The best thing to do to handle a rejection is not take it personally, be positive, and think that if the person is rejecting you after two or three dates then their reasons might be too superficial. There is no way that you can force your date to like you or give you another chance once they have made up their mind about rejection. Everyone has the freedom to choose and never take a rejection personally, don’t consider it as a rejection because most of the times its incompatibility of the two personalities and ending the date is the best option.

Understand The Concepts of a Healthy Relationship

To help you find the right partner and a relationship that blossoms into a long-term commitment it is essential to understand what leads to a healthy relationship. The first thing that both partners must understand is mutual respect. Each partner must have respect for each other and value their opinions. The next thing that must be a part of any relationship is trust.

Be Honest About Your Flaws

Nobody is perfect but when people date, they try to hide their flaws and any habits that their date might find gross or annoying. Hiding your flaws isn’t the right choice if you are looking for a long-term relationship. Instead of hiding your flaws, try to talk to your date about your bad habits and the good aspects of your life and personality.

Being open about your flaws will help establish trust and honesty between you and your partner. Sometimes what you consider a flaw might be something quirky or interesting to the other person. Sharing your flaws will encourage your partner to do the same thing it will open up and encourage communication and sharing between you and your partner.

No relationship can flourish without honesty, trust, and mutual understanding. Hence, both partners need to work hard on developing a healthy relationship, avoid keeping secrets from one another as they can turn into a burden over time. A relationship must have honesty, support, and excellent communication between the partners. Allow partners to have their own separate identity.

For more information on healthy relationship contact us to  learn about developing a relationship based on fondness and respect for each other. 


Loneliness – Not So Bad

Loneliness is a feeling you probably won’t want to experience as it often comes with feelings of sadness, emptiness and even, depression. However, loneliness is not always bad especially if you are someone who is comfortable with their own company. Having some alone time creates room for you to express yourself in ways in which you might not have been if people were present.

Being alone or lonely doesn’t necessarily mean you’re unloved, or the world has abandoned you; it just says that you’re sometimes happy being by yourself. A lot of persons don’t enjoy their company so they avoid alone time although that time creates a valuable opportunity for learning, self-introspection and loads of creativity.

Below are some reasons why being lonely isn’t such a bad idea. In other words, let’s take a look at the benefits of being lonely:

1. You get to enjoy your company.

Stepping away from everybody is liberating. You get to do what you want without worrying about hurting someone’s feelings. You can check out new areas, take yourself out on a date, listen to your favorite songs or read a book without any form of interruption.

2. It teaches you to be comfortable in your skin

A lot of persons who are alone or more appropriately, lonely are not happy with their situation and that’s because they don’t have an understanding of what it is to be alone. When you are alone, you get to have a better understanding of yourself and your emotions due largely to the opportunity for introspection. Consequently, you grow more comfortable in your skin and eventually, are more confident.

3. It prevents us from keeping the wrong company;

Loneliness is just a feeling and it’s better to live alone than having the wrong people around you. When you are alone, you avoid persons who would want to force you into confrontations.

4. Being alone gives you the opportunity to listen to your inner voice

When you’re alone, you have a chance to contemplate and meditate. This gives you an edge when you can listen to your inner voice. You become more creative than when you are always with people. Sometimes we get so busy that we don’t always have the time to sit and think. But being alone reminds us to do just that, which sometimes aids us in coming to some important realizations.

5. You get the opportunity to find more facts about yourself

Sometimes we have everything going for us, but we still feel a bit lonely. This might have nothing to do with other people and everything to do with ourselves. Loneliness helps us find facts about ourselves, where we lack in fulfillment, what we’ve achieved, what our setbacks are, etc. Being lonely might just be a hint that the time for a change has come.

At Nelumbo Consultancy We believe that any challenge can be met effectively through the use of psychological therapies. Contact us today and our team of psychologists will help you with your problem.

Worry and How You Can Overcome It

Worry is a feeling of unease or extreme concern about a problem or solution where your mind goes on an overdrive, focusing on what may happen regardless of how likely it may be to happen. Worry is caused by a nagging, persistent thought which circles in our mind. The act of worry is a habitual and obsessive behavior and one which should be given up. It exacerbates aches and pains, increases your vulnerability to infections and stress, causes distractions, interferes with your sleep and stops you from performing essential tasks. It serves no purpose other than being a bad habit.

How to stop worrying?

Using the appropriate control, you can overcome the act of worrying. Never give it a chance to conquer you, instead of giving in to worrisome thoughts, intervene before it has access to controlling your mind and becomes a habit. Worrisome thoughts which crosses your mind serves as a warning sign. The signs may be alerting you of anxiety. In this case, the proper course of action is to examine the worrisome thoughts and opt a solution that prevents you from worry.

What is the solution?

  1. Medicine

Most persons feel worried about their day to day lives, when worry becomes perennial it becomes an anxiety disorder. If you are diagnosed with one, you’ll likely need treatment. Treatment typically consists of psychotherapy and medication.

While drugs don’t cure anxiety, they can help you manage your symptoms so you can function well and feel better in your day-to-day life. Many types of medications are available. Because each person is different, you and your doctor may have to try several remedies to find the right one for you.

  1. Go for a trip

When on a trip, you are free from stress and are able to see things in a new light. You feel very relaxed by seeing new surroundings and gain an understanding of how other parts of the world function.

  1. Keep yourself busy

To solve the problem of getting worried, forget about your problems and find something you love doing to entertain yourself, keep your mind active, give yourself a challenge, be productive and communicate with people around you. Pursue your hobby, continue reading books, write articles and poems. You can as well go for a vacation with your family.

  1. Compare your present worry with another worry which you have experienced earlier

Comparing a current worry to another experienced earlier makes you examine your concerns. Even if the past is much better than the present worry or the present better than the past, it helps in controlling your worries. When I decided to quit my last job to pursue my desire of becoming a full-time writer, I worried a lot. I worried about things like “what if I can’t foot my bills?” and “what if I fail?”. I always freaked out, but as things turned out,  the panacea to my worrisome thoughts was not as difficult as I expected. Many people worry about all sorts of things;  money, work, health, relationships and so on. The truth is some concerns are worth it, whereas others are not necessary.

Contact us at Nelumbo Consultancy today. We look forward to hearing from you. Take action today and you will be glad you did.

Yes, you can age gracefully and positively!

We all want to look great as we age but to many, aging gracefully is a thing of luck, some are lucky to continue looking good with age and others aren’t; nothing could be farther from the truth. Actually, persons who age gracefully lucky to be aging better, they are simply aging smarter and the secret is as much in what they do as much as it’s in what they don’t do. As life expectancy continues to increase globally, there’s no better time to look and feel better.

Aging as a process first begins from the mind then the body. When one believes they are aging or more appropriately growing old, they soon begin to feel that way and the signs soon manifest in their physique. It’s no rocket science, it’s an age-long fact – we are what we think we are. What this means is that to reverse the aging process and look and feel young, we have to change the way we think. Our approach to aging and life has to improve by letting go of bad thought patterns and embracing new, positive thought patterns. Some mental hacks which can help reverse the aging process include:

  • Letting go of old beliefs which hold you back
  • Taking up challenges which test our physically and mentally. Taking up a new sport or registering for the gym is a good way to start.
  • Paying little or no attention to negative thoughts and emotions
  • Growing the habit of giving, to friends, family and strangers.
  • Spending more time with friends and family

One of the most common reasons people are reluctant to make changes to their lifestyle as they grow older is that they believe that aging prevents them from doing most things. Sure, as we grow older, there are certain things we won’t be able to do as well as we used to. However, growing old doesn’t affect the most important things needed to feel young and alive. For example:

  • If you are creative, old age does not affect your creativity. In fact, some of the most iconic ideas have come from persons who would be considered old.
  • Growing older doesn’t affect your relationship with friends and family. No matter how old you are, you can maintain a relationship especially if you happen to be retired, giving you more time to spare.
  • Age doesn’t affect your sense of humor. If you have it, nothing can snatch it from you and who says you can’t grow one as you go older?
  • Even if you have any physical limitations, it means nothing as even young persons have to deal with physical problems sometimes. All you need to is to find a way to manage your limitation and continue enjoying your life.

Finally, growing old doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your life and lucky for you, we have given a few habits of graceful agers. If you would like to learn more or require personal assistance, we are here to help you.

Contact us now to schedule a consultation.
We can support you to find your purpose in life.

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