How to Overcome Shame and Build Self Confidence

How to Overcome Shame and Build Self Confidence

Author : Nelumbo TeamDate : 10/15/2018

One of the utmost debilitating and damaging emotions a human can feel is shame. Normally, this feeling occurs when people compare their standards to others in the society and end up feeling inferior and bad about themselves. There are moments where feelings of shame lead to people engaging in risky and self-destructive behaviors such as drug and alcohol abuse, long-term emotional and physical problems comprising anxiety, low self-esteem,  bodily pain, and depression.

The good news is, you can entirely avoid going down this path. Make a vow to yourself that you will value yourself and every one of your contributions and achievements. You need to make yourself understand that your one bad action will not define who you are.

Why Do We Feel Shame?

The feeling of shame rises when you think you’re not good enough or that something is wrong with you. Shame has nothing to do with you having done a wrong deed. That’s when you feel guilty. No, feelings of shame arise from the belief of you simply not being good enough. Unfortunately, this core belief and mentality is found to be quite prevailing in today’s society where everyone compares themselves to one another. It has become quite common to find those people who find themselves to be mediocre and at a lower standard than others of their same age, struggle with addiction and other issues.

A cumulation of feelings, thoughts, and behaviors is how our lives are evolved. With the experiences we face in our lives, we are stereotyped, labeled, and stigmatized. We end up becoming something other than who we truly are.

In this world we live in today, you must have been told by someone that you’re different or strange. It can be your own friends, family, or someone you admire and look up to. If the person who said this is someone whose opinions and thoughts really matter to you, there’s a good enough chance the second you’re told there’s something wrong with you, you’re going to feel shame.

In today’s society where bullying and being made fun of is quite common, you might find someone making fun of your weight, or your face covered with acne marks. In such cases, usually, it is the person who has a model-like figure or a person with flawless skin.  Your parents might tell you over and over that your poor grades are because you’re not as smart enough as your brother. Your teacher might make fun of your grades in front of the whole class.

When you hear such comments made by these people, you instantly feel shame. This feeling of shame might stay with you for a long time to come. These feelings can scare you for life. They can have a huge and drastic impact on your self-confidence.  And when your self-confidence and self-esteem is low, you cannot succeed in anything you do. Be it your studies, career, or anything you do in life.

Overcome Your Shame and Build Your Self Confidence Back

Well then, it’s now high time you let go of your feelings of shame, and build your self-confidence back in yourself. It is difficult to live a full and happy life where our self-esteem is low. Our lives are a gift to us and we need to make the best of it by living each day to its fullest. Good self-esteem is what aids us to tide through all the challenges we face in our life. Our confidence and self-esteem turn every day of our life, a good day.

Here are some ways for you to help boost your self-confidence and self-esteem.

1. List Down All Your Strengths:

Your strengths can include talent, experiences, skills, or anything that helps you to feel confident about yourself. It can be something as simple as compliments given to you by others. When you list down your qualities, you are reminding yourself of all your strengths. This will help you to acknowledge your positive points and thus, increase your self-confidence.

2. Accept Your Flaws

We are all humans. We can make mistakes. That doesn’t mean you let your one flaw stop you from acknowledging your positive strengths and qualities. We all have some flaws and plain-looking features in ourselves. That does not mean we let it cloud over our positive points. Whenever you feel shame or low, remind yourself of your good qualities.

3. Make It A Practice To Look At Yourself In A Mirror And Say Five Positive Things About Yourself Out Loud

Whenever you feel shame, you need to take a good look at yourself in the mirror and say out loud, five of your positive qualities that will help you bring back your self-confidence. It can be your physical attributes, such as your smile, eyes, or hair. It could also be your internal attributes, such as your energy and compassion. Turn this into a regular practice and in no time, you will gain back your self-confidence.

If you wish to learn more on how to overcome feelings of shame and build self-confidence in yourself, feel free to visit our website or contact our qualified representatives to learn how we can be of service to you.


Disclaimer about blog- All contents within the Nelumbo Consultancy (NC) website is provided for general information only and should not be treated as a substitute for the advice of a doctor, counsellor, psychologist, psychiatrist etc. You should always consult if you are concerned about your mental health. NC is not responsible or a liable for any diagnosis made by a user based on the content within the NC website.

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