Happiness | Nelumbo Consultancy

What is negative self-talk?

We all have a critic inside us. Sometimes this voice inside us can actually help individuals to keep focusing on their goals. For example, when this critic inside us reminds us that what we will be eating isn’t good for our health or what we are planning to do may not be good. However, this voice can often cause more harm than being helpful, especially when you step into the domain of negativity by indulging in negative self-talk, which can really affect one’s life disastrously.


Negative self-talk comes in many forms and it is a time to time experience, one cannot simply stay away from it, but it can be transformed sooner or later into positive self-talk. Different studies show people with higher negative self-talk abilities show up with high stress levels and low self-esteem. This inner dialogue is one of the leading causes of depression, stress, anxiety, isolation and insomnia as most people spend their nights thinking why they are not capable of living another day of their life. This also builds up the feeling of helplessness and restlessness in a person. Those who find themselves frequently engaged in negative self-talk keep themselves away from reality, they are the ones who lose those opportunities which they always waited for, but at that time of negative self-talk they don’t find themselves capable of attaining something better. Other than depression, stress, anxiety, isolation and insomnia, negative thoughts and self-talk can cause physical changes. These mental illnesses can also cause eating disorders which may lead to over or under eating.

The toxicity of negative self-talk is much higher than we think. One of the most apparent drawbacks of negative self-talk is that it’s not positive. This sounds naive, but research has shown that positive self-talk is a great predictor of success. It is needed to be understood that reminding ourselves about how to do something is not important than telling ourselves that we are doing something great. Self-appreciation is sometimes the most needed tool in one’s life.


Negative self-talk encourages a cycle of self-fulfilling predictions and blocks you from seeing the bright side of life. We think we’ll fail, which makes us execute tasks poorly. This also makes us think that we will fail in the future. Changing the way, you talk to yourself helps you in getting out from the pool of sadness you are stuck in.

Following are a few steps one could take in order to turn negative self-talk into positive self-talk:

  • Pay attention

The first step in learning how to be more positive is to pay attention to your thinking and accept the fact that you are engaged in negative self-talk. Before rectifying, you first need to accept that there is something you are doing wrong. This self-realization will accompany you with loads of motivation. To your brain the messages you give are just pieces of information and recalling those messages repeatedly will make your brain store them.

  • Try to stop the spiral

Firstly, try stopping the spiral by doing things simply to distract yourself. For instance, start counting all the green things you can see or movements of the clouds, choosing a tough word and spelling it backwards in your head and having a peaceful talk with your lord to occupy your mind more positively. Build a positive relationship with your mind.

For some, intense workouts work while for others meditation works. The important thing is not necessarily what you use to stop your spiral, but to learn what works best for you in order to engage you positively.

  • Correct Negative Self-Talk with Positive Self-Talk

Take a piece of paper, fold it in half and write the negative thoughts on one side of the paper and on the other write a healthier way to say that same thoughts. Turning the negative talk into positive will take off some burden and darkness inside you, and will aid your healing process. For example, “Nobody will ever love me” changes into “I haven’t yet found the right person.” “I am a failure.” turns into “Working even harder will surely make me succeed.” and so on. These motivational statements will lead you towards positive self-talk and healing.

  • Turning negative thoughts into positive

The final step in successfully adopting positive self-talk is to picture your negative thoughts into something positive. To complete this step one must need a reality check on why something happened and what effects it had which should have been dealt with earlier, but our thoughts never let go. For example, a negative thought like, “I am unlovable because I’m not beautiful.” In reality, one’s self-awareness makes them more open to genuine intimacy and love. This is how a negative thought can be manipulated.

Nelumbo consultancy is pro in providing psychological counselling sessions in order to work on stress that is destructing one’s life and add a motivating factor in your life. It is highly recommended to contact Nelumbo consultancy to attain positivity.

Is Social Media Considered an Addiction?

Addiction customarily refers to the compulsive behaviour that makes its way to negativity. In most cases, people feel compelled to do certain activities so habitually that they result in a harmful pattern, which then disturbs the sequence of other essential activities such as work or school. Sometimes it’s hard to tell when fondness for an activity results in dependency and crosses the line into a destructive habit or addiction. According to that context, social media addiction can be related to that compulsion which encourages the excess use of social media that includes constant urge to keep updates of every socialising app like Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram, Twitter and much more.
Social media addiction is referred to a kind of addiction through the internet, where individuals with this addiction are in general, overly concerned about social media and are pulled by an obstreperous urge to use social media. This includes frequently checking Facebook status updates or “stalking” people’s profiles on Facebook. The rise in social media engaging has meant that we as a global population are more into connections with each other more than we were ever before. However, constant dependency on social media can leave deleterious impact on our mental health and this is something not easy to cope with.


Keeping benefits of social media aside, it’s frequent usage can trap any individual in the feelings of no happiness and isolation in the long term. Not only has social media been contributing to the cause of unhappiness, but when used excessively without any caution it can also lead to the development of mental health issues in people like stress, anxiety or depression. We have an example of a famous DJ called Ben Jacobs who has more than 5,000 followers on Twitter, who decided to go on a hiatus from the platform in January 2016 and has found the break really beneficial.
Following are a few ways of how social media is negatively effecting our mental health without us even realising:

1) Destroying Human Interaction
Human connections are beautiful. As human desire attention, connectivity and interaction from another human for which they find different means to stay connected. In human relationship, communicating with each other is extremely important. We humans have stuck ourselves into rectangular flat screens in order to receive stronger and faster connectivity with our friends under digital frontage than in our real-life facades. One former model Stina Sanders has 107,000 Instagram followers and she reviewed that social media often made her feel like she’s missing out. She said,
“I know from my experience I can get FOMO when I see my friend’s photos of a party I didn’t go to, and this, in turn, can make me feel quite lonely and anxious”.

2) Insomnia
Sleep is the most important part of nature, it is the time when one’s body relaxes and keeps all its worries aside to function better ahead. Sleeping appropriately is of paramount importance. However, over usage of cell phones causes difficulty for the person to doze off, worrying about the comment he/she left on a controversial post, waiting for a reply from a friend and how many shares a status posted got? We let social media capture our minds and this hinders our relaxing hours too. Many of us find difficulty in dozing off because we choose to be on our phones before we sleep. “Getting worked up with anxiety or envy from what we see on social media keeps the brain on high alert, preventing us from falling asleep,” explained Doctor Bono, author of When Likes Aren’t Enough.

3) Memories
One of the best features of social media is that it lets us look back enthusiastically on past memories. “If we direct all of our attention toward capturing the best shots for our social media followers to admire, less will be available to enjoy other aspects of the experience in real time,” said Doctor Bono.

4) Self-esteem and confidence
Social media has platforms where people share what they believe, also at times people get in conflict with others over different opinions. We all have insecurities caught within us, some that we speak about openly and others that we preferably want to keep to ourselves. However, it can be seen that people compare themselves with others on the basis of what they share on social media. This promotes the problems of self-esteem and confidence in every individual. Becoming more conscious of the amount of time you spend scrolling will help in boosting your self-confidence.

Nelumbo consultancy specialises in providing psychological counselling sessions in order to treat mental illnesses found now a days like stress, depression, anxiety and much more. It is greatly advised by those working in the psychology field to seek counselling regarding mental issues and add a motivating factor in your life.

Empathetic Listening – The Key to Your Good Relationship

Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Lack of communication can jeopardize years of affiliation, break the strongest of bonds, and infect your relationship like a termite. Thus, it is important to develop good communication and level of understanding with people, especially with the one you are considering to spend the rest of your life.

Many people are able to effectively communicate their needs to their better half, but fail miserably when it comes to listening. Presumably, they do not acknowledge the fact that communication is a two-way street, and listening is equally important perhaps a more vital element of a communication, which allows a relationship to thrive and remain intact.

Are you a good listener? Yes… maybe, but are you an empathetic listener? You must be wondering “What is empathetic listening?” Well, empathetic listening goes beyond simply hearing out a person. It is about really understanding what a person is saying without forming a judgment, allowing them to freely express themselves.

Empathy is about creating an emotional connection with another, understanding their feelings, learning their insights, and showing compassion. People make this mistake and confuse empathy with sympathy. While sympathy may make you feel ‘for someone’, empathy actually makes you feel ‘as someone’.

How To Become An Empathetic Listener?

Not everyone has the natural ability to perceive how others feel and listen with compassion and empathy, but that does not mean that you cannot develop the art of being an empathetic listener. These are some of the points that you should remember:

  • When you are listening to a person, provide them your undivided attention. This means no multi-tasking, texting on phone, or working on your laptop, but leaving everything aside and listening to them carefully. Letting them know that their feelings are of paramount importance and your utmost priority can go a long way and create a big difference.
  • Do not form a judgment or opinion. We tend to form an opinion and overthink the simplest things which create unnecessary complications. It may seem to us that we understand but we don’t. Listening without any preconceived notion is what makes listening effective and empathetic.
  • Read the speaker’s emotions and body language. Do not solely focus on words, but try to understand what aggravated them to utter those words. They must be feeling hurt, angry, or perhaps resentful, thus it is only fair that you acknowledge their emotions and sentiments.
  • Let them know that you understand. Active listening is one of the components of empathetic listening. Letting the speaker know that you understand their perspective and validating their feelings can be extremely reassuring.
  • Just Listen. It may sound simple, but actually is the most critical element of empathetic listening. Sometimes a person just wants someone to be there for them to listen and want nothing else in return, no solution, no opinion, and no favor, but just a person to be there and listen to them. So consider listening with the intent of understanding rather than with the intent to reply.

These pointers may help you to become a better listener, help address issues in your relationship, and learn things that were previously left unsaid, but it is imperative that you listen to the person with genuine interest and compassion rather than for the sake of it to ensure that you are listening correctly and effectively.

Have you ever wondered why people are so comfortable when speaking to God? Because they know that God is mute and will listen to them without giving an advice, letting them figure out things by themselves. Being an empathetic listener is about providing freedom, a safe space for a person to talk an express their true self and vent out all the emotions that were trapped inside their heart.

How To Know If You Are An Empathetic Listener?

Well, if you are forming an opinion or judgment while the other person is speaking to you, then you are hearing, not listening, let alone being an empathetic listener. Thus, it is critical to resist the urge of framing a thought or response while the person is conversing so you can truly listen and understand what they are trying to communicate. Perhaps the word listen contains the same letters of silent for a reason.

Furthermore, in case a person has communicated their story and want your opinion, it is critical that you respond in a very sensitive and precise manner. Words are powerful, when articulated in a right way, they can alter someone’s belief and make a profound impact on their life. Thus, choose your words carefully. When a person communicates, they entrust you with their words and feelings, hence it is important that you assure them that they did the right thing and can talk to you again without having a second thought.

Good relationships don’t just happen out of nowhere but require patience and willingness of the person who wants to be together. Understanding and listening to your significant other will help you to maintain a healthy and thriving relationship. Connect with one of our counsellor today to help you in rediscovering yourself and make you a better, active, and empathetic listener.

Building Good Relationship Is A Skill

As beautiful as relationships are, aren’t they the most exhausting experiences too, wrapped around in relationships? Isn’t the most frustrating situation for anyone is when the person before you does not understand you and your true intentions no matter how open you try to be with them and how eager you are to maintain a leveled relation with them? You then dive in the pool of your deprecating thoughts thinking over and over again as to what are you doing wrong here and what can you do to fix it?

We have all met with or know someone who knows someone who is a happy go lucky person, always high-spirited and liked by everyone and rarely do you see them caught in any sort of discord. How do they do it? What is it that sets them recurringly apart from you? Are they just born lucky, abundantly blessed and with people skills? Maybe yes or maybe no. We cannot tell you that but what we can tell you is that you too can master the similar skill sets and brush up your own uniqueness just by following a few sets of rules, practice them and learn them by heart and you’d be climbing the good relationship ladder skills in no time. Here’s what you need to do.

Judgmental or Intrusive Attitude

Nobody wants to be judged, let alone be friends with a person who judges, you are just not comfortable around such a person. Judgment is never positive and portrays you off as someone who is probably opinionated and does not want to hear or know the other persons side of the story. Resulting in other people not feeling secure neither opening up around them about their true self.

Although being intrusive is on the very far side of the scale but they, in my opinion, are equals and opposites. How? Well, when you judge, you create an unseen wall between the two of you, establishing you two have thick boundaries thus keeping people at bay while being intrusive is when you have no concept of boundaries with people. Giving out a clear message that you do not care or respect privacy obviously making you a threat to them. On the contrary practice the ‘live and let live attitude’, don’t judge and don’t intrude.

Appreciation and Constructive Criticism

Nobody comes running back to you to share, every time they receive a positive or negative feedback from elsewhere, faster than that person you always make feel like they matter. When you are honest and realistic but not brutal with your comments and compliments, people care about what you have to tell them. Be that person who encourages and bolsters people’s positive traits and strength. Even when the bitter truth needs to be told, don’t sugar coat it or give it to their face flatly but with the comment that allows them to know how this can be fix, let your criticism be constructive and let your attitude be helpful and compassionate.

Active Listening – Best Form of Communication

When you listen to people without interrupting them or without the need of wanting to have your say first, eager to let your opinion out, your likeability increases immediately. Everyone wants to be heard, to be cared for, to be accepted and you give this to them by listening and trying to understand what they actually have to say. Listen attentively, ask occasional questions and indulge with them. This allows them to be comfortable as no one’s more interested in you than someone who feels comfortable in your presence.

Show Genuine Interest

Yes, please! Show them you are genuinely interested in their stories in their problems, their happiness and all that concerns them so they feel valued. Do not sit there looking bored and distracted when they speak and space out not hearing a word they said. Or other similar things, like not remembering their special moments or occasions. Initiate in asking them how they were after their big interview yesterday or anything else that you consider of importance to them. Be there for them if they are counting on you and you can provide assistance. Connect on an emotional level, nothing touches a person more deeply than being emotionally touched.

Never Fake an Attitude

Most important. DO NOT BE FAKE. All the above points will only be able to make any real impact on them, when you are doing it out of the goodness of your heart and not because you have a hidden agenda like for instance you want a promotion so you are nice to the boss and the peers during those times, or if you need a favor from someone so you follow the act.

Even if you manage to fool people for the time being, it wouldn’t last long because word spreads. Thus, it would serve you the best and for the long run if you choose to deal with everyone with a genuine and honest self. In case you don’t particularly like someone, no worries, you don’t have to pretend to like them but neither should you be downright rude so they get the point. Instead, understand that there’s a field of neutrality where you can stay polite and nice while still maintaining an arm’s length from them.

Not everything is easy, yes simple perhaps but not easy. That is why when you practice being genuine and honest you practice simplicity which eventually gets easier with time. If you think this made sense to you then connect with us on our websites and one of our psychologists will be able to help you further in your journey to build valuable relationships while honing your interpersonal skills.

Let’s Meet Again With Yourself

When you meet life half way only and consider it a difficult task to be able to experience it fully, you also fail at meeting with your own self completely. But what does it even mean to be living an incomplete life? What does meeting yourself mean, is that an actual thing or just an expression? Aren’t you just you, who is always with yourself, then how can one constantly be with oneself and not be able to meet? Well as logically confusing this may sound, it actually makes philosophically logical sense if you look into it, so let’s talk about it today, let us talk about life, about unfulfilled dreams and explore the depths of our inner horizons to see if losing self is even a possibility at all.


Ever since I was a kid, I have wondered how others see me from the outside. I have wondered what it would be like to be perfect and achieve complete contentment. Because superman was my hero I always saw him as a figure who just does not make mistakes and he’s happy because he’s perfect and powerful. It’s interesting how these childhood inspirations make us want to live up to the image, thus the desire of wanting perfection and contentment. That’s where I began, I used to go around asking friends, family even my teachers questions about me. I would ask them how do they see me, my habits, behavior, their likes and dislikes about me, so I can then compare it with the characteristics list I had with me on Superman. How did that help me? Well, of course, I didn’t learn to fly or become more powerful than a locomotive (all in good time I hope) but what did become was self-aware, self-effacing and learned how to consciously live with my choices actions and even thoughts. I was able to make mistakes but still be aware to accept it so I could fix it, at a very young age I learned how accepting reality helps you in fixing problems. You can’t possibly fix something you do not accept as a problem.

Knowing Others

This attitude not only made me aware of my faults as well as my uniqueness but also helped me see other people for who they are. I learned, living in this self-awareness was self-discovery, a journey that is never ending as you are always more than you think of you. As Lao Tzu says, “one who knows others is wise but the one who knows himself is enlightened.”

Enlightenment does not just sprout from theory, reading, learning and talking about yourself but you have to do the work, you need to put in the effort to bring out the best version of you that is what being enlightened means. This is how I met me, by trying to find me, make and remake me. I understood that most of us are living in no form of self-awareness. Most do not want to put in the effort on the inner-selves because that internal work seems unreachable and nobody teaches us how to do it, how to achieve it or why is it necessary? For the same reason, it seems more cognitively recognizable to people to pursue the unrealistic standards of perfection by working on the materialistic aspect of our lives, how to earn more, how to have more, how to look more good-looking, more educated more of everything outside. Then how can you expect to meet yourself if you don’t know yourself and don’t know that you need you, before anyone else?

Social Conditioning and Breaking Through

Media and society have always been setting a perfect outside world goal for people because it brings them business by challenging and feeding on people’s weaknesses, so why would they be interested in making one strong and help them walk the road of self-enlightenment? But now that you know this, can you go back from it? Ones your eyes are open you cannot un-see or unlearn what you have learned so why don’t you start today by making yourself your priority. Treat yourself, love yourself, take care of yourself and most of all monitor yourself. All those dreams you once had which now seem like a far-fetched idea why don’t you start with digging them up again and work on finding the best route to your true self. When you go where your heart takes you, is exactly what you find as your soul’s true calling, for the soul’s purpose is hidden in your dreams and the desire to follow it is spoken through your heart.

Break through the social conditioning and the self-limiting belief that you cannot live the life you once dreamt off. Come, connect with one of our  psychologist or counsellor today to help you in your journey to meet with yourself and find yourself to never lose again.

Key of Health And Happy Relationship

Happiness in every relationship is felt differently. For some people, happiness in their relationship comes from a conflict-free life. For others, it might mean lots of laughter or great intimacy with each other. Whatever your definition of a happy relationship is, it directly links to your wants, needs, expectations, and desires, which change over time. What remains constant are some specific attributes and behaviors we have mentioned down below.

If you put in the effort and work towards incorporating these tips into your everyday life, the likelihood of your long-term happiness and success in your relationship will be undeniable.

1.    Respect For Each Other

Respect is one thing that needs to be present for any kind of relationship to work. If there are no boundaries of respect between each other, it’s going to become quite tough to continue your relationship. Giving respect to each other does not necessarily mean you agree to all that your partner says. If your partner is giving you their opinion or advice on how a certain thing can be done, you can show your respect by acknowledging and complementing their views and thoughts, even if you don’t agree with your partner’s advice.

In order for the relationship to be happy and healthy, the respect should be mutual. It needs to be a two-way street. You can’t expect one partner to show respect if you don’t return it.

2.    Keeping Your Independence

If you want your relationship to be a happy and healthy one, first, it’s important for you to be happy. The essence of a successful relationship stems from you taking some time out for yourself. Even though you and your partner are in a relationship, doesn’t mean your independence is seized. You and your partner might not share the same interests and hobbies. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy or take part in your activities anymore. Don’t restrict or force your partner to join you in your hobbies. You do your thing and let your partner do theirs. If anything, you both might find yourselves to be naturally drawn to each other’s hobbies.

3.    Argue, But Not Fight

There can be no such relationship where partners do not argue. Sometimes arguing with each other can be healthy for your relationship. There is a huge difference between arguing and fighting.

Sometimes a partner will argue just for the sake of disagreeing and loving it when the other gives way. Its always healthy to have both partners compromise at some stage and at some level, or agree to disagree. They may argue about their choice of a best sports team, or choice of restaurant, on some item of decoration in the house, or where to travel on their vacation. So as long as they can look back and relive those moments and laugh about it, it’s a healthy argument and a happy relationship.

4.    Mutual Parenting

As much as every couple desires a child and has plans and ambitions for their offspring, the raising of the child can, unfortunately, be a sore conflict between the partners. This kind of conflict can only be detrimental not only to the relationship of the partners but also to the child. There are many books written by experts which partners can read together and decide on their parenting style.

5.    Equality with Finances

Money finances should not be an issue for partners to spoil their happy and healthy relationship. Finances are very important issues partners should discuss to ensure their healthy relationship. A constant need for money and a wasteful or easy-sending partner can spoil many loving relationships.

A reminder of a bill payment on the refrigerator door is an unspoken reminder of both partner’s responsibility. This will prevent one partner nagging the other about THEIR responsibilities. Long term planning for a new house or a much needed cruise or vacation makes both partners share a common goal and both of them strive for the achievement of that goal that they can enjoy together. Each will have a feeling that they are sacrificing for each other, and this helps to enhance the bond between the two.

6.    Common Values and Goals

Sometimes partners may belong to the same religion and share the same culture. They have many common interests and festivities. On the other hand, some partners belong to different cultures or even different religions. This will not be a hindrance to their relationship if they respect and accept that each other’s religion and culture is important. There should be more adventures as they get to learn more and more about each other’s culture and festivities, and enjoy both sects of families.

If you try to incorporate these tips and guidelines in your daily life, you will notice a huge difference in the long-term happiness and success of your relationship. Motivation and will towards incorporating such tips to improve your relationship helps you attain a good feeling about yourself and portrays commitment towards your partner.

If you wish to learn more on dating and healthy relationships, feel free to visit our website or contact our qualified representatives to learn how we can be of service to you.

Loneliness – Not So Bad

Loneliness is a feeling you probably won’t want to experience as it often comes with feelings of sadness, emptiness and even, depression. However, loneliness is not always bad especially if you are someone who is comfortable with their own company. Having some alone time creates room for you to express yourself in ways in which you might not have been if people were present.

Being alone or lonely doesn’t necessarily mean you’re unloved, or the world has abandoned you; it just says that you’re sometimes happy being by yourself. A lot of persons don’t enjoy their company so they avoid alone time although that time creates a valuable opportunity for learning, self-introspection and loads of creativity.

Below are some reasons why being lonely isn’t such a bad idea. In other words, let’s take a look at the benefits of being lonely:

1. You get to enjoy your company.

Stepping away from everybody is liberating. You get to do what you want without worrying about hurting someone’s feelings. You can check out new areas, take yourself out on a date, listen to your favorite songs or read a book without any form of interruption.

2. It teaches you to be comfortable in your skin

A lot of persons who are alone or more appropriately, lonely are not happy with their situation and that’s because they don’t have an understanding of what it is to be alone. When you are alone, you get to have a better understanding of yourself and your emotions due largely to the opportunity for introspection. Consequently, you grow more comfortable in your skin and eventually, are more confident.

3. It prevents us from keeping the wrong company;

Loneliness is just a feeling and it’s better to live alone than having the wrong people around you. When you are alone, you avoid persons who would want to force you into confrontations.

4. Being alone gives you the opportunity to listen to your inner voice

When you’re alone, you have a chance to contemplate and meditate. This gives you an edge when you can listen to your inner voice. You become more creative than when you are always with people. Sometimes we get so busy that we don’t always have the time to sit and think. But being alone reminds us to do just that, which sometimes aids us in coming to some important realizations.

5. You get the opportunity to find more facts about yourself

Sometimes we have everything going for us, but we still feel a bit lonely. This might have nothing to do with other people and everything to do with ourselves. Loneliness helps us find facts about ourselves, where we lack in fulfillment, what we’ve achieved, what our setbacks are, etc. Being lonely might just be a hint that the time for a change has come.

At Nelumbo Consultancy We believe that any challenge can be met effectively through the use of psychological therapies. Contact us today and our team of psychologists will help you with your problem.

Loving Without Expectations- The Path of Freedom and Happiness

Loving without expectations is loving unconditionally; that is without expecting anything back. It is a form of love which is highly underrated and often misunderstood.

Now let’s take a look at what it means to love without expectation:

When we love without expectation, we put ourselves out there in the spotlight and even when it seems like we’re walking on a tightrope, wondering if this is the moment we slip or fall, we persist. This confidence is borne out of the belief that we have nothing to lose.

When we love without expectation, we don’t expect anything back nor ruminate on the fact that our affection is not being reciprocated. It doesn’t matter if it seems like we care more than they do or that they don’t initiate sweet prose or give complimentary thoughts like we do. We don’t mind their flaws, difficulties or past mistakes because we want all of them anyway, wholly and entirely.

We wear our hearts on our sleeve, we convey our honesty and take responsibility for the success of the relationship. We take away our capacity for regret and eliminate those pesky “what if’s” at the back of our minds.

When we love without expectation, we are ourselves authentically. We are vulnerable, and we are strong. We yearn, we smile, we miss, we cry – we are human. This is nothing to shudder or be ashamed about, it’s bold, and it’s the antithesis of fear.

Loving without expectations is not exclusive to persons we desire romantic relationships with. It is something we should share with everyone, regardless of their status and level of familiarity we share with them. Unselfish love is what it is, unselfish and it is expressed for everyone around us, animals included. A show of kindness, mercy, care or a word of concern are ways in which we can express love. We don’t expect to get anything back, even a word of gratitude is too much of a reward. Unselfish love is borne out of a realization that our purpose is to serve humanity.

Embarking on this journey of self-sacrificing and unselfish love is easy and even easier with proper guidance. We would appreciate an opportunity to help you on this journey and teach you the fundamentals of how to love unselfishly so please contact us at Nelumbo Consultancy today. We look forward to hearing from you. Take action today and you will be glad you did.

How to Get Over a Breakup

There’s no sugar-coating it, breakups are tough and the aftermath of one can be devastating. A lot of persons go into depression, lose their self-esteem, suffer insomnia, and even have reduced immune function. While in the throes of a breakup, even the most motivated persons can have difficulties in deciding on how to proceed with their lives regardless of whether they got dumped or they did the dumping.

Being the dumper is no fun as you have to deal with the conflict, anxiety, awkwardness and conflicting feelings which are sure to follow. On the other hand, being the person getting dumped is a whole new level of suck, and a lot of us have had the “pleasure” of suffering the ultimate heartbreak- being dumped out of the blue. Binge gaming or binge eating will only get you so far, but if you want to grow and move on after the heartbreak, then you need to have a plan in place.

We have taken out time to examine some quick tips which can help you get over a breakup, and they are outlined below:


Regardless of whether you and your ex decided to stay friendly, it is important you guys break away completely right after the breakup. This means not seeing each other, not being around mutual friends, no Facebook, no Whatsapp, no phone calls, no emails and no Snapchat. This doesn’t mean you get to stop talking forever, and it only means cutting off communication for as long as is required to get over your ex.


That moment when you realize that a relationship you had invested so much time and effort into is over usually feels like death and the key to overcoming this feeling is embracing it. If you feel the need to cry, please do so. Remember the good old times and however much you decide to mourn the relationship, do – think of it as an exorcism.


One of the most significant problems we have to deal with after a breakup is the overthinking and the only way to combat this is by being brutally honest with yourself. This brutal honesty will help you process the breakup faster and discover why it occurred. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you are compatible or will have a great future together. Chances are the breakup was for the best, and if it didn’t happen now, it would have happened down the line.


After a breakup, thrust yourself out there and make an effort to spend time with the people you care about. This is especially important as it would help to bring a sense of normalcy back to your life and remind you of all the persons who have got your back.

Go out there to new places, meet new people and have a good time. Have fun, be happy and be free. Even though you might have a bad day now and again, rise from it and continue making an effort to make things better.


This is especially important after a bad breakup where it may seem you will never love again or trust again. However, this sense of loss is often a door to great possibilities where you can do all the things you couldn’t do when you were previously with your partner.

There is a lot more you can do to help you move on from a breakup. However, if you need more personal coaching on getting over a breakup, contact any of the resource personnel’s at Nelumbo Consultancy, and we would be glad to help.

Feeling like you’re the only one who’s sad, while everyone around you is happy?

Daily life in this modern world can be hard – with “hard” being an understatement. Between the complications of your professional work life, perhaps a tumultuous personal life, financial and economical stresses, environmental concerns, and other stressors that seem to pop up out of nowhere, our world isn’t an easy place to live in when you combine all of those stressors into one human being.

Contact us now to schedule a consultation.
We can support you to find your purpose in life.

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