As beautiful as relationships are, aren’t they the most exhausting experiences too, wrapped around in relationships? Isn’t the most frustrating situation for anyone is when the person before you does not understand you and your true intentions no matter how open you try to be with them and how eager you are to maintain a leveled relation with them? You then dive in the pool of your deprecating thoughts thinking over and over again as to what are you doing wrong here and what can you do to fix it?
We have all met with or know someone who knows someone who is a happy go lucky person, always high-spirited and liked by everyone and rarely do you see them caught in any sort of discord. How do they do it? What is it that sets them recurringly apart from you? Are they just born lucky, abundantly blessed and with people skills? Maybe yes or maybe no. We cannot tell you that but what we can tell you is that you too can master the similar skill sets and brush up your own uniqueness just by following a few sets of rules, practice them and learn them by heart and you’d be climbing the good relationship ladder skills in no time. Here’s what you need to do.
Judgmental or Intrusive Attitude
Nobody wants to be judged, let alone be friends with a person who judges, you are just not comfortable around such a person. Judgment is never positive and portrays you off as someone who is probably opinionated and does not want to hear or know the other persons side of the story. Resulting in other people not feeling secure neither opening up around them about their true self.
Although being intrusive is on the very far side of the scale but they, in my opinion, are equals and opposites. How? Well, when you judge, you create an unseen wall between the two of you, establishing you two have thick boundaries thus keeping people at bay while being intrusive is when you have no concept of boundaries with people. Giving out a clear message that you do not care or respect privacy obviously making you a threat to them. On the contrary practice the ‘live and let live attitude’, don’t judge and don’t intrude.
Appreciation and Constructive Criticism
Nobody comes running back to you to share, every time they receive a positive or negative feedback from elsewhere, faster than that person you always make feel like they matter. When you are honest and realistic but not brutal with your comments and compliments, people care about what you have to tell them. Be that person who encourages and bolsters people’s positive traits and strength. Even when the bitter truth needs to be told, don’t sugar coat it or give it to their face flatly but with the comment that allows them to know how this can be fix, let your criticism be constructive and let your attitude be helpful and compassionate.
Active Listening – Best Form of Communication
When you listen to people without interrupting them or without the need of wanting to have your say first, eager to let your opinion out, your likeability increases immediately. Everyone wants to be heard, to be cared for, to be accepted and you give this to them by listening and trying to understand what they actually have to say. Listen attentively, ask occasional questions and indulge with them. This allows them to be comfortable as no one’s more interested in you than someone who feels comfortable in your presence.
Show Genuine Interest
Yes, please! Show them you are genuinely interested in their stories in their problems, their happiness and all that concerns them so they feel valued. Do not sit there looking bored and distracted when they speak and space out not hearing a word they said. Or other similar things, like not remembering their special moments or occasions. Initiate in asking them how they were after their big interview yesterday or anything else that you consider of importance to them. Be there for them if they are counting on you and you can provide assistance. Connect on an emotional level, nothing touches a person more deeply than being emotionally touched.
Never Fake an Attitude
Most important. DO NOT BE FAKE. All the above points will only be able to make any real impact on them, when you are doing it out of the goodness of your heart and not because you have a hidden agenda like for instance you want a promotion so you are nice to the boss and the peers during those times, or if you need a favor from someone so you follow the act.
Even if you manage to fool people for the time being, it wouldn’t last long because word spreads. Thus, it would serve you the best and for the long run if you choose to deal with everyone with a genuine and honest self. In case you don’t particularly like someone, no worries, you don’t have to pretend to like them but neither should you be downright rude so they get the point. Instead, understand that there’s a field of neutrality where you can stay polite and nice while still maintaining an arm’s length from them.
Not everything is easy, yes simple perhaps but not easy. That is why when you practice being genuine and honest you practice simplicity which eventually gets easier with time. If you think this made sense to you then connect with us on our websites and one of our psychologists will be able to help you further in your journey to build valuable relationships while honing your interpersonal skills.