August 2018 - Nelumbo Consultancy

Yes, you can age gracefully and positively!

We all want to look great as we age but to many, aging gracefully is a thing of luck, some are lucky to continue looking good with age and others aren’t; nothing could be farther from the truth. Actually, persons who age gracefully lucky to be aging better, they are simply aging smarter and the secret is as much in what they do as much as it’s in what they don’t do. As life expectancy continues to increase globally, there’s no better time to look and feel better.

Aging as a process first begins from the mind then the body. When one believes they are aging or more appropriately growing old, they soon begin to feel that way and the signs soon manifest in their physique. It’s no rocket science, it’s an age-long fact – we are what we think we are. What this means is that to reverse the aging process and look and feel young, we have to change the way we think. Our approach to aging and life has to improve by letting go of bad thought patterns and embracing new, positive thought patterns. Some mental hacks which can help reverse the aging process include:

  • Letting go of old beliefs which hold you back
  • Taking up challenges which test our physically and mentally. Taking up a new sport or registering for the gym is a good way to start.
  • Paying little or no attention to negative thoughts and emotions
  • Growing the habit of giving, to friends, family and strangers.
  • Spending more time with friends and family

One of the most common reasons people are reluctant to make changes to their lifestyle as they grow older is that they believe that aging prevents them from doing most things. Sure, as we grow older, there are certain things we won’t be able to do as well as we used to. However, growing old doesn’t affect the most important things needed to feel young and alive. For example:

  • If you are creative, old age does not affect your creativity. In fact, some of the most iconic ideas have come from persons who would be considered old.
  • Growing older doesn’t affect your relationship with friends and family. No matter how old you are, you can maintain a relationship especially if you happen to be retired, giving you more time to spare.
  • Age doesn’t affect your sense of humor. If you have it, nothing can snatch it from you and who says you can’t grow one as you go older?
  • Even if you have any physical limitations, it means nothing as even young persons have to deal with physical problems sometimes. All you need to is to find a way to manage your limitation and continue enjoying your life.

Finally, growing old doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your life and lucky for you, we have given a few habits of graceful agers. If you would like to learn more or require personal assistance, we are here to help you.

Recognising what your strengths are

Recognising what your strengths are. The power of understanding your worth.

In our self-deprecating society, it can be easy to lose sight of our innate qualities that make us unique. From an early age we’re taught not to boast, to be humble and never raise our head above the parapet. But what if you could live a happier, more fulfilled life, simply by identifying and acknowledging what your strengths are?

Too often we default to dissecting our weaknesses, focusing on our flaws and limitations and defining ourselves by those traits. I encourage you to instead focus on what positive qualities you possess. Perhaps you’re cool under pressure? Or a loyal friend? The adjectives you use to describe yourself don’t have to be linked to where you are in your career or personal life – being a great leader isn’t reserved only for people with that job title, nor is being artistic reserved for people with the time to create art. Take some time out of your day to sit down and reflect on what your strengths are, then choose five words that represent you. If you struggle, there are plenty of online resources that have collated words together. When you know what your strengths are, you can find your way in life, whatever challenges are thrown your way.

“They tried to bury me, but did not know that I am a seed”- Mexican proverb

Before moving on to assessing your weaknesses, it’s important to understand the concept of a ‘growth mindset’. Essentially, growth mindset is the concept that believing you have the ability to develop a skill, is more related to success than inherently possessing the skill itself. The ‘fixed mindset’ that many of us are guilty of, instead believes that our abilities are outside of our control, that we either naturally have skill in an area, or not.

We will all be faced with challenges in life, how we approach these challenges defines our view of the world. Did you get passed up on that management promotion because you aren’t good enough? Or do you know that you have great leadership skills, but that one of your weaknesses is being vague, which might have hindered you in your interview? Knowing yourself innately allows you to see opportunities for development, instead of problems. As obstacles present themselves, you are equipped to deal with them based on your knowledge of self.

Introspection and self-analysis are not always easily done alone – it can be difficult to see the forest for the trees, so to speak. If you feel that you would benefit from exploring what your strengths are with a qualified practitioner, we would love to help.

Impact of Social Media On Relationships

Social media has no doubt blown up the world of beginning, maintaining and ending relationships. With the increasing relevance of social media in our lives, how about we take some time and examine the impact it has had on our lives. Social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Tumblr, Reddit and Instagram allows us gain valuable insights into the lives of friends and casual acquaintances alike without even having to speak to them.

Several persons have argued on whether social media is a good way to maintain friendships – the occasional like of a photograph and “Happy Birthday” posts have sustained friendships for several years without any physical contact. Is this a healthy way to maintain friendship? It is debatable. Some persons are of the opinion that reducing key friendships into mini-bytes of information detracts from sociability which is at the heart of our existence. Can I consider myself friends with someone if my only contact with them is a quick flick through the photos on their social media handle? Is a five-minute chat on Facebook really a substitute for a long chat over a cup of coffee?

On the other hand, with friends and family scattered around the world, it’s really convenient to keep track of their activities through a quick peek of their status updates. The ability to maintain long-term friendships without face-to-face interaction can be considered a wonder of modern technology. What this means is it’s no more excusable to just lose touch with a friend and changing location doesn’t mean you lose friends. In fact, it can be argued that since the advent of globalization, nothing has brought the world closer than social media. In only a couple of seconds we can reach out to a friend thousands of miles away via Facebook, Twitter or any of the other social media platforms.

Nonetheless, the real joy of being alive is seeing the world around us being alive and this cannot be done from a computer screen. Would you rather interact with your friends or loved ones on their special occasions from a computer screen or be there live with them basking in the moment? I would wager you wouldn’t, no matter convenient it may seem. It’s better to be out there creating real, vivid memories than be living through the photos and videos of friends on social media.

Whatever the case may be, especially considering the role technology plays in several other areas of our life, I believe no matter how large Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or other social media platforms become, nothing beats maintaining real contact with persons you care about. Sadly not many persons can draw the line so if you need some practical help on managing your online and offline relationships, contact us at Nelumbo Consultancy today and we would be glad to help.

Learning from Failures

As much as it hurts, failure is an important part of life. In short, failure is necessary. I have failed more times than I would want to admit. I can’t say that I enjoy failing, but through its life-altering lessons, failure moulds us into better persons. Without failure, we would be incapable of compassion, kindness, empathy and great achievement.

When we think of what failure is, we imagine things in a negative light. We see it as painful and that it inflicts agonizing pangs of remorse, regrets and guilt. But, for people that have known failure and have bounced from it, understand that in life failure is necessary for success. The most successful people in the world have failed the most times. You can’t go through life without failing at anything, and if you try to, then you’re not really living a life as a matter of fact. Falling down flat on our faces while taking risk is a part of life, it moulds us into who we are. Even a baby will fail a thousand times before finally mastering the art of walking.

The problem however is that society tends to celebrate the successes instead of highlighting the epic journeys towards success that are filled with tribulations, trials, setbacks, failures and upsets because it’s not as glamorous to talk about those things. Michael Jordan missed about 9000 shots throughout his career, lost over 300 games and 26 times when he was trusted to take the game winning shot he missed, and that’s why according to him he succeeds.

Why is it necessary to fail?

Failure is a steppingstone. It is necessary to fail. In fact, I will highlight 5 very powerful life lessons taught and instilled in us by failure

  1. Experience: The first major lesson gained from failure is experience. When we go through a situation and can walk away with forehand experience, it aids us in developing a deeper understanding of life. The experience of failure is truly invaluable as it completely alters our mind frame through the induction of pain. It makes us want to reflect on the real nature of things and their paramount importance in our lives, improving and transforming our future-selves.
  2. Knowledge: Failure is accompanied with firsthand knowledge. We can harness that knowledge in the future to overcome that very failure that has inflicted much pain in the first place. Nothing replaces knowledge gained from failure.
  3. Resilience: Failure helps to build resilience. With each failure we become more resilient. In order to achieve unprecedented success, we must know resilience. Because, if we try to think that we would succeed in the very first try, or even the first few attempts, then we’ve set ourselves up for a far more painful failure.
  4. Growth: When we fail, we grow and mature. We reach deeper meanings and understandings in our lives and why we do the things we do. This assists us to reflect and take things into clear perspective, developing meaning from painful conditions. Life has been designed for us to grow and improve. From the genetic fibers that moulds us into individual persons, into the fabric of society on a global scale, growth is a typical part of us. Without growth, we could not improve life on all fronts.
  5. Value: one very big lesson we can learn from life’s failures is the necessity to create an exceedingly high amount of value. Value, in fact lies at the heart of success and a lack of value is a fundamental pillar to more failure.

How to Recover From Failure

Many ways exists that can help one recover from failure. Once you’ve come to terms with what failure is, and its prospects in serving us rather than hinder us, you’ll open your heart and free your mind to experience the joy of failure.

  1. Ignore the naysayers. When you fail, without a doubt there will be people telling you, “You should have listened to me” and, “I told you so.”
  2. Understand that it’s okay to Fail. One of the major ways of recovering from failure is understanding that it’s all right to fail but not okay to give up.
  3. Using failure as a leverage: when you fail in life, you should consider it a leverage to not only recover from it, but to help push you forward in the future. Failure is a platform for growth that is simply unmatched.
    To leverage failure, illuminate them to your mind. Pen down what you failed and why you failed. Are there deep enough meanings to your goals in the past? What could have been done differently? How will you now tackle those failures in the future when you face them? How will you learn from the past to assist you in shaping a bigger and brighter future?
  4. Revisit your goals and seek to know how clear you were with your goals. Were they exact, precise and feasible? Were you able to visualize them in your mind?
  5. Spend time to analyze and adjust where necessary. Revisit your goals and redefine them.
  6. Create a massive action plan: Lay out a plan on how you’re going to achieve your goals. What will you do incase failure rears its ugly head next time?

Set up a solid action plan that will help you push past life’s hurdles and watch as you recover from setbacks or failures. At Nelumbo Consultancy we can help you setup a solid plan which will help you recover from a setback or failure. Contact us today let’s work on one.

Loving Without Expectations- The Path of Freedom and Happiness

Loving without expectations is loving unconditionally; that is without expecting anything back. It is a form of love which is highly underrated and often misunderstood.

Now let’s take a look at what it means to love without expectation:

When we love without expectation, we put ourselves out there in the spotlight and even when it seems like we’re walking on a tightrope, wondering if this is the moment we slip or fall, we persist. This confidence is borne out of the belief that we have nothing to lose.

When we love without expectation, we don’t expect anything back nor ruminate on the fact that our affection is not being reciprocated. It doesn’t matter if it seems like we care more than they do or that they don’t initiate sweet prose or give complimentary thoughts like we do. We don’t mind their flaws, difficulties or past mistakes because we want all of them anyway, wholly and entirely.

We wear our hearts on our sleeve, we convey our honesty and take responsibility for the success of the relationship. We take away our capacity for regret and eliminate those pesky “what if’s” at the back of our minds.

When we love without expectation, we are ourselves authentically. We are vulnerable, and we are strong. We yearn, we smile, we miss, we cry – we are human. This is nothing to shudder or be ashamed about, it’s bold, and it’s the antithesis of fear.

Loving without expectations is not exclusive to persons we desire romantic relationships with. It is something we should share with everyone, regardless of their status and level of familiarity we share with them. Unselfish love is what it is, unselfish and it is expressed for everyone around us, animals included. A show of kindness, mercy, care or a word of concern are ways in which we can express love. We don’t expect to get anything back, even a word of gratitude is too much of a reward. Unselfish love is borne out of a realization that our purpose is to serve humanity.

Embarking on this journey of self-sacrificing and unselfish love is easy and even easier with proper guidance. We would appreciate an opportunity to help you on this journey and teach you the fundamentals of how to love unselfishly so please contact us at Nelumbo Consultancy today. We look forward to hearing from you. Take action today and you will be glad you did.

How to Get Over a Breakup

There’s no sugar-coating it, breakups are tough and the aftermath of one can be devastating. A lot of persons go into depression, lose their self-esteem, suffer insomnia, and even have reduced immune function. While in the throes of a breakup, even the most motivated persons can have difficulties in deciding on how to proceed with their lives regardless of whether they got dumped or they did the dumping.

Being the dumper is no fun as you have to deal with the conflict, anxiety, awkwardness and conflicting feelings which are sure to follow. On the other hand, being the person getting dumped is a whole new level of suck, and a lot of us have had the “pleasure” of suffering the ultimate heartbreak- being dumped out of the blue. Binge gaming or binge eating will only get you so far, but if you want to grow and move on after the heartbreak, then you need to have a plan in place.

We have taken out time to examine some quick tips which can help you get over a breakup, and they are outlined below:

  • CUT OF ALL CONTACT

Regardless of whether you and your ex decided to stay friendly, it is important you guys break away completely right after the breakup. This means not seeing each other, not being around mutual friends, no Facebook, no Whatsapp, no phone calls, no emails and no Snapchat. This doesn’t mean you get to stop talking forever, and it only means cutting off communication for as long as is required to get over your ex.

  • ACCEPT THE FEELING OF EMPTINESS

That moment when you realize that a relationship you had invested so much time and effort into is over usually feels like death and the key to overcoming this feeling is embracing it. If you feel the need to cry, please do so. Remember the good old times and however much you decide to mourn the relationship, do – think of it as an exorcism.

  • BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH YOURSELF

One of the most significant problems we have to deal with after a breakup is the overthinking and the only way to combat this is by being brutally honest with yourself. This brutal honesty will help you process the breakup faster and discover why it occurred. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you are compatible or will have a great future together. Chances are the breakup was for the best, and if it didn’t happen now, it would have happened down the line.

  • GET BACK OUT THERE

After a breakup, thrust yourself out there and make an effort to spend time with the people you care about. This is especially important as it would help to bring a sense of normalcy back to your life and remind you of all the persons who have got your back.

Go out there to new places, meet new people and have a good time. Have fun, be happy and be free. Even though you might have a bad day now and again, rise from it and continue making an effort to make things better.

  • LOOK TO THE FUTURE, AND DON’T LOOK BACK

This is especially important after a bad breakup where it may seem you will never love again or trust again. However, this sense of loss is often a door to great possibilities where you can do all the things you couldn’t do when you were previously with your partner.

There is a lot more you can do to help you move on from a breakup. However, if you need more personal coaching on getting over a breakup, contact any of the resource personnel’s at Nelumbo Consultancy, and we would be glad to help.

Contact us now to schedule a consultation.
We can support you to find your purpose in life.

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